Kim Beatson, Partner
Email Kim
I went to a wedding recently where the bride’s parents (each with their new partners) sat on opposite sides of the aisle. The wedding reception was a tense affair. Both the bride’s father and stepfather made speeches but the animosity between them was evident – all very sad as the bride’s parents had divorced some ten years earlier.
Each year around 275,000 couples marry and around 168,000 couples divorce. The divorce rate has stabilised over the last few years but the popularity of marriage as an institution is in gradual decline.
There is increasing public awareness of the huge pain that divorce can inflict on families both in emotional and financial terms. Divorce lawyers often take the blame for this but what are the alternatives to the conventional legal process?
Many couples are choosing the mediation option as a civilised means of resolving disputes that arise when a relationship ends, such as whether to divorce or separate and what arrangements should be made for the children, finance and accommodation.. This has nothing to do with reconciliation. Instead, couples meet with a trained mediator who will help them to identify the areas of disagreement and to explore the areas for settlement. The mediator does not give the parties legal advice and, therefore, both parties are encouraged to take independent legal advice before any agreement is finalised. The parties’ solicitors can then draw up a binding agreement if a settlement is reached. The process is confidential.
Susannah and Alan came to see me in mediation earlier this year. Both agreed that the marriage was over but were still living together. Both were anxious to see as much of the children as possible. Alan had formed a new relationship and Susannah was upset about this and mindful of the effect this could have on the children. Both had strong views about whether the matrimonial home should be sold. In mediation it was possible to agree a pattern of contact so that Alan was spending frequent time with the children. Alan was able to agree that the children should not be brought into contact with his girlfriend until the separation took place. It was agreed that the house should be sold but Susannah received a greater proportion of the proceeds to reflect the fact that Alan had greater pension provision. Both took their agreement to their own lawyers after mediation, an agreed settlement was reached and the legal costs were reduced considerably.
In mediation a negotiated settlement can be achieved in a matter of weeks, saving thousands of pounds on each side. However, the mediator still requires full details of the parties’ financial circumstances.
Mediation is equally suitable for cohabiting couples or same sex couples. It is particularly helpful where couples disagree about the future welfare of their children.
Mediation has been around for years, but there is a new way of resolving family law matters that is known as collaborative practice. This involves the couple working with specially trained collaborative lawyers (one each). They each receive legal advice and guidance and, together with the lawyers, discuss and resolve issues through face-to-face meetings. The threat of Court action and horrendous legal costs are avoided because everyone signs an agreement that disqualifies the lawyers from representing the couple if the collaborative process breaks down. The advantages of negotiating outside the Court process are that the couple set the agenda according to what matters most to them and their family. Working outside the Court process allows the couple to work at their own pace and to resolve matters as quickly as they wish. Once again, full and frank disclosure of financial circumstances is central to the process. Collaborative practice is an excellent option for people who want to avoid the uncertainties of the Court based system. It allows clients to benefit from legal advice without risking the threat of Court action during the negotiations. Both partners and their lawyers work together to find the best solutions.
If you are keen to achieve an amicable end to your marriage or relationship, then I urge you to consider mediation or collaborative practice. It is impossible to truly walk away from a relationship where children are involved. School meetings, graduations and weddings mean that couples may continue to meet as parents. Mediation and collaborative practice assist in creating an environment whereby it is possible to continue those activities with a spirit of respect and courtesy that can often be lost as a result of a legal battle.
For further information email Kim Beatson or call 020 7940 4000.
